Black Men Speak About Rape

Recently, there have been a lot of stories about rape in the media. First, there was the story of the Oklahoma police officer/serial rapist Daniel Hotzclaw who got 263 years. He is currently appealing a conviction for multiple counts of rape, sexual battery and forcible oral sodomy against a number of black women. Huffington Post recently published an article that shined a light on the dark fears of some of his victims. In the article, a teenage victim explained her complete apprehension and distrust when dealing with law enforcement as a result of her assault. 

Then, there is accused serial rapist Bill Cosby. His story is interesting, because he was the creative genius behind a show that stood on wholesome morals and values. Without contest, he was seen as Black America’s favorite dad for many years. In my last survey, I felt The Kings were partial to Cosby because of his creative genius. However, I can’t just ignore the quietly dropped and dismissed cases. The interrupted procedures don’t exonerate him; they seem to only muddy the waters more.

Rape is an uncomfortable subject, especially when our heroes fall. It seems like it should be simple; “No means no”, but it isn’t. Look at  Rosh V.; he has a strong following and nearly had an international meeting between men from 42 countries who are all pro-rape. The way the law is set up, he got to call the police and report death threats. Everything he is doing to promote rape is within his “legal” rights.

I have never been raped, but I have been sexually abused. 18.8% of African American women will have someone attempt to rape them; however, rape is an issue that extends beyond color. Women who have been raped are 3 times more likely to suffer from depression, are 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, and are 26 times more likely to abuse drugs. Rape is complex; it isn’t just about a man forcing himself onto a girl or woman. It could be the total opposite. Are you watching American Crime? It can get so deep and so twisted you’ll be left utterly confused.

Often, it was hard for me to round up The Kings for this survey. I think some of them were apprehensive about sharing their thoughts. However, I am very glad they all decided to do so.

Here is what The Kings had to say:

I asked: “A man and a woman meet at the club. They have both been drinking. They decide to have sex. The next morning one of them regrets having sex. Did sexual abuse occur?”

17.86% of them responded they didn’t know
3.57% said yes
78.57% said no

Sexual abuse is defined as “one or more people practicing undesired sexual behaviors upon another person”. This includes kissing, groping etc… The scenario above is not considered sexual abuse.

I asked: “When a woman says she has been assaulted, you should automatically assume she is telling the truth”.

9% of the total number of men surveyed skipped the question. Of those that answered:

76% answered true

24% answered false

Why would nearly a quarter of these men feel like women might lie? Do women lie that much about being raped? After doing some research, I found a few statistics, but I learned that none of them are accurate. The number of false rape accusations is considered a “dark number” — this means, there is a true number, but it is unknown to us, and perhaps even arguably unknowable to us.

One thing is certain: rape is a serious problem in our community. More than one-third of women who were raped as minors were also raped as adults. Since it is written that 60% of black girls have experienced some form of sexual abuse at the hands of black men before reaching the age of 18 (according to an ongoing study conducted by Black Women’s Blueprint), I felt like it would be good to get The Kings to speak on it. We should all be discussing rape.

I asked: “If you had to speak to black boys on decreasing rape in the black community, what would you say?”

Here are some of the answers:

“Respect women…. No matter how they look speak or dress. Everyone is born from a woman so I am addressing each young man in here. How would you feel if someone rape the women in your family?” 2/5/2016 9:22 AM


“You are responsible for what happens so don’t even put yourself in a position where you will be accused of any kind of sexual misconduct because the consequences can be deadly!!!” 2/4/2016 10:25 AM


“It is real, and it needs to be addressed. Let’s not sit around and pretend that rape is just a “White” thing because it isn’t.” 2/3/2016 12:47 PM


“If there’s no consent don’t do it.” 2/3/2016 12:17 PM


“Black boys need to realize that having sex with endless women does not define your masculinity. There is nothing manly about raping anyone or even suggesting that someone gets raped. If your boys are planning on doing something, speak up and say something. All too often we just ignore it. We also have to recognize that women have the upper hand in the court system when it comes to sexual assault, you will have to prove that you are not guilty.

We can date without having sex. Stop giving every woman you meet sex or thinking it has to go sexual. Have some standards and dignity. Also, don’t be like these older men who try to go after younger women. There is nothing hot about that. Keep an eye out for the women. If a woman is walking alone, ask her if everything is alright or if she needs a walk. Intervene when a woman is being aggressively harassed and check your homies when they do it.” 2/2/2016 9:36 PM


“Understand that “no” means “no.” Treat all women with dignity and respect.” 2/2/2016 8:30 PM


“Learn the difference between sex and love.” 2/2/2016 8:24 PM


“There are too many options available. So take no and move on to the one who says yes. A piece of ass isn’t worth your freedom.” 2/2/2016 7:52 PM


“No means no. It’s not worth it.” 2/2/2016 7:49 PM


“No means no, no matter if her body says yes.” 2/2/2016 7:12 PM


“Consent is sexy.” 2/2/2016 7:10 PM


“I would tell the young black boys to value themselves, know your worth, don’t let images via media, magazine and social media pollute your mind into thinking that a woman’s dress or style of choice is enough reason to assault or harass her. Understand that when a woman says ‘No’, that means what it sounds like, she doesn’t want to engage in sexual activity with you.

When it comes to social events such as parties be mindful of your alcohol intake, if you have had too much it is best to leave before something happens that you can’t take back or regret. Also don’t let the same media and images over sexualize you, because for far too long have you all been sexualized as early as childhood, by the oppressor in order to set you up to fail from birth. Know yourself, Love yourself, Value yourself. Value your freedom. Know what the word ‘No’ means.” 2/1/2016 7:30 PM


“I would give scenarios of what is consent and when it is revoked. I think it would give some frame of reference. Also talk about the damaging results of a conviction or even accusal.” 2/1/2016 6:42 PM


“Cameras and saved information is your best friend. You should always respect women. The same way there are bad guys, there are bad girls who are capable of lying and ruining your life.” 2/1/2016 6:18 PM


“Treat all women with the ‘respect’ you have for your mother or sister, and surround yourself with males that will do the same.” 2/1/2016 1:41 PM


“Understand your role as leaders in the community and step up. Our women are our responsibility, which in itself is a privilege, and we have to do our part to protect them, and educate the illiterate in order to exorcise the demon known as rape.” 2/1/2016 1:30 PM


“No really means no, first off there are too many fish in the sea. There is someone for everyone so show some patience. If one wont another one will.” 2/1/2016 12:43 PM


“Make sure consent is given. If there is any doubt, don’t do anything.” 2/1/2016 12:06 PM


“Don’t do it.” 2/1/2016 11:53 AM


“RESPECT WOMEN AND YOUR SELF” 2/1/2016 11:30 AM


“Abstinence” 2/1/2016 10:43 AM


“Think of your mother, of your sisters, of your aunts. Now think of someone forcing themselves on them. Makes you angry right? No means no bros.” 2/1/2016 9:26 AM


“No means no” 2/1/2016 9:24 AM


“How would you like it if someone raped you or your mother/sister?” 2/1/2016 9:06 AM


 

More information:

Learn more about the survey here.

Learn more about #MyConsentIsSexy here.